Be Precise In Your Speech - Part 2

 This blog is designed to give people an inner look at a devotional life. Taking time each day to spend time with the Lord. The hope is if you travel on this journey with Rev. Jacob Shaw, you may be more inclined to spend time with the Lord as well. I encourage the use of a devotional, a scripture reading and prayer, then finally some form of artistic mark or photo to tie it all together. 

Today's devotional is taken from: Peterson, Jordan B. 12 Rules for Life: an antidote to chaos. Great Britain: Penguin Random House, 2018. Rule 10: Be Precise In Your Speech, pp. 264 - 279

Opening Thought: This summer, for our worship services, I have been reflecting upon the commandments of Jesus. Not just the very clear and well-known ones, but the commands that are interwoven into Jesus' wider teachings.  Recently we spoke about confronting those who have sinned against us or offended us. Confrontation is not something many Christians may associate with Jesus, but it is something we are called to do. We are not called to be nasty to each other during these confrontations, but we are called to make known issues that arise between brothers and sisters in Christ. Confrontation must be executed with the hopes of resolution, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Confrontation, in the form in which Christ speaks, is meant to bring people back together, heal brokenness, and find Godly solutions for mortal problems. The challenge with confrontation is that it requires people to be brave and vulnerable at the same time, as well as, the people needing to keep control of more the explosive or destructive emotions. (This does not mean you cannot express these more passion-based emotions, rather it means you must take care that they are expressed in healthy ways; for your own health, and so that the expression does not further harm the conflict your found in).

Peterson emphasizes the importance of confronting the hardships in the world because the world’s complexity and messiness will only get more complicated if we avoid the confrontations that will allow us to move toward healthy development. Confrontation can support clarity if done in a healthy manner.

There are two factors that I see predominately address in this second of Rule 10, which both speak to why people avoid confrontation. The first is fear. People avoid clarity, settle for vagueness, refuse to investigate, avoid specification, and willingly sit in the dark because in the darkness of avoidance we feel safer, even if that darkness can make us feel depressed and anxious. The darkness can be a terrifying place when monsters lurk behind the shadows. But, just like every good horror film, as soon as you shine a little light down the dark hallway that is when you see the dark specter staring back. In the case of avoiding confrontation, the thing we fear is the truth. Maybe we fear truths about those we conflict with, people we long to see as perfect who continually prove that longing incorrect. It is more than likely we fear what we will learn about ourselves, we are both the scared victim and the monster at the same time. It is easier to avoid the truth and settle for suffering in the dark, than turn on the light and confront the darkness in the hearts of humanity. The second is simply the discipline that would be necessary to confront as needed. 

Opening Prayer: Lord, shine your light upon us. Fill us with Your Spirit, so much so, that there is no place left for the darkness. Let all of us become known and transparent, so we can traverse through life with confidence, courage, and a willingness to bring light to others. Amen.

Scripture: Matthew 18:15-17 “Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go, and tell him about his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he neglects to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglects to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican”

Reflection: I can say right now, with utmost certainty, that I am not a confrontational person. I’m not in the healthy sense or the unhealthy. If someone cuts me off on the road, I don’t honk my horn. In fact, I believe in the last 18 years of driving, I have only used my horn two or three times. Those blasts of the horn were reserved for nearly fatal driving errors. My confrontational impulse is almost non-existent.

My go-to, for dealing with life’s confrontations, is to think them through. Sometimes this works well, especially if I have been paying attention. When I’m really on the ball, I can prevent the confrontation before it even begins. However, I’m no saint, and I make mistakes – maybe more than most, and I know that time and time again my thinking drops the ball. Sometimes I make errors, other times people take fault with me for subjective reasons, or other times I get frustrated or angry with people. In those moments my mind can become an endless cycle of torture. Plague with a series of scenarios; “what if” situations, and a laundry list of dreaded curiosity.

The older I have gotten, and especially since having children, I have come to a harsh conclusion, there is not enough time to think about everything in the complexity that I default to. Sometimes I must put my nature aside to serve a higher calling, and that means laying all the cards out on the table. Confront and be blunt is sometimes the only hand you can play, and ought to play.

As a result, I find myself becoming more direct, clearer, and more willing to be vulnerable in conversation. If someone asks me, “who am I doing?” Instead of replying with the standard, “good, how are you”, if “good” does not feel right, I don’t say it. If, “tired” or “stressed” is accurate then I say that because it is true.  I used to say “good” for everything, and because people always assumed I was well, I often found myself overburdened by favors and requests, and my eagerness to help people would get the better of me until I was worn out and bitter, finding myself in increased odds for conflict.

I find a resistance toward secrets, deceit, and misdirection building in my consciousness because I continually see the pragmatic value of clarity, honesty, and even confrontation. Of course, I still struggle from time to time, as truth always reveals the monsters we fear, but it also shows us the weakness those monsters have, meaning, clarity of vision, purpose, meaning, and experience gives us the foresight to overcome the hurdles, and move towards healing, reconciliation and towards any progress as God directs.

Challenge for the Week: We should all take time to think of one thing in our lives that add unneeded stress because we are too afraid of conflict. What needs to be made clear, investigated, stated, and shared to heal your circumstance to a standard that brings glory to Your creator. Care enough about the gift of life you have and serve it well.  

Prayer for your week: Jesus, you told us to confront the issues in our lives, not to run from them. Let us be willing to follow You into the darkness, with Your light shining, illuminating all the monsters which lurk in the dark. In that dedication to our faith, we will find the courage and strength of the heroes of old; David who brought down Goliath, and Samson who brought the house down, and we will find our glory, our power resides in Your endless power. Amen.

Final Thought and Picture: If you enjoy games or sports, you will know that the functionality of any communal activity is only as good as the mutual understanding of the rules or framework. If you were trying to play chess with someone who had no idea how to play, this might cause some stress for the novice or the expert. The explanation of how to play needs to precede the engagement of the game. Now rules and frameworks are complex, sometimes you need to play and learn at the same time. I found it easier to learn the rules of chess the more I played chess, but the person teaching must be very clear along the learning curve for this to produce a healthy new player. If the teacher is unclear with the novice, and then the novice plays another person with only a half-formed idea of how to play, thinking they now know the rules, the conflict will result.