Assume They Might Know Something - Part 2
This blog is designed to give people an inner look at a devotional life. Taking time each day to spend time with the Lord. The hope is if you travel on this journey with Rev. Jacob Shaw, you may be more inclined to spend time with the Lord as well. I encourage the use of a devotional, a scripture reading and prayer, then finally some form of artistic mark or photo to tie it all together.
Today's devotional is taken
from: Peterson, Jordan B. 12 Rules for Life: an antidote to chaos.
Great Britain: Penguin Random House, 2018. Rule 9: Assume that the person you
are listening to might know something you don’t, pp. 243-45
Opening
Thought: Have you ever enjoyed the art of people watching?
That may sound odd to you. People watching is a passive activity that you can do
but you have to be subtle about it. Introverts I imagine are naturally good at people
watching, as it requires a willingness to sit on the sideline and just
observe. Though that may be a big generalization.
If you have never people
watched before, this is how you do it, you go to a crowded venue, like a mall,
airport, or a coffee shop, and you just observe the flow of the crowd. Simple enough.
You don’t focus on one person or group for more than the time it takes for
them to pass your line of vision. This isn’t about getting their whole story,
or anything so invasive, but rather just a glimpse at people's rustlings as they shuffle in and out as they move through their days. One of the best ways you
can do this is to simply close your eyes and listen to the swell of chatter
and voices. I find when you observe the flow of people like this, you get to see
an array of the human person living out everyday life, it is fascinating what
people talk about, or even the tones in their voices as they debate with friends,
argue with family or just trying to find where they are supposed to be going.
Or the most interesting is what people find funny.
One of the most fascinating
ways to people watch is at a diner. I always prefer diners over restaurants because
restaurants tend to play the music too loud, and it drowns out the people. If
you just sit, sip a coffee and a tea, have a bite to eat if you feel peckish,
and just listen to the conversations around you, it is so fascinating what
people will talk about.
Now I know some of you are
thinking, hey this is eavesdropping, or you’re spying on people. I would say not
exactly. I’m not going out of my way to listen to a particular person’s
particular conversation. I’m just sitting and not filtering the noise and the
voices that enter my ear. And I’m also not trying to retain what I hear to
spread around as gossip or to use for my advantage later, rather I just
appreciate the subtle beauty and struggle in the lives of people.
Now one of the things I have
noticed in my years of people watching is that many people do not know how to
listen or have a conversation. They think they know how to but rather what
they are exchanging with each other is a series of “I” statements or stories. One
or both parties are only in their so-called conversation for themselves. They
have no investment in what the other person is saying. Everyone wants to be
heard but no one wants to listen.
Opening
Prayer: Lord, help us to hear. Help us to listen. There is so much we can come
to appreciate, so much mercy and forgiveness we could offer, if we just took
time to listen, empathize and reflect deeply about the world and people around
us. Help us to pause our voice to hear the voice of others. Amen.
Scripture: Proverbs
10:8 The wise of heart will receive commandments, but a
babbling fool will come to ruin.
Reflection: I find as someone who every week gets up to deliver four sermons, lead meetings, and teaches the bible, or devotional time in both spoken word and written
word, my mind is overly used to talking. It can be a real challenge in pastoral
care situations to not default to the “preacher” mindset. I often find while I’m
in pastoral care moments, that I have to pull myself back from unloading the
full content of my mind upon a person.
Now the tricky part is I don’t
always know when I’m in a pastoral care conversation. If a person comes up to
me and says, “what does Jesus say about lust?”. Now there is a small chance the
person is wanting to have a theological discussion about the biblical tradition
and Jesus’ perspective on lust and the moral law, but more likely than not the
person is conflicted about an issue in their lives where lust is a factor. Maybe
they are lusting after someone, or they know someone who struggles with lust. If I just jump right into an exegetical study on all passages that address lust in
the bible, I would miss the real struggle that is happening in front of me.
In this week’s reading of Peterson's
work, he describes a detailed account of how he structures his talk therapy
session with his clients. Peterson is a clinical psychologist who had a one-point a functioning
practice and had a very different life before his fame. Now his life consists of a lot
of talking and with millions listening in response, one could say he earned the
right to be listened to, partly because he spent many years listening. You would
have to get a copy of his book to appreciate the consideration Peterson put
into structuring his client interactions, but I’ll share a small sample:
My clients talk. I listen. Sometimes I respond. Often the response is
subtle. It’s not even verbal. My clients and I face each other. We make eye contact.
We can see each other’s expressions. They can observe the effects of their
words on me, and I can observe the effect of mine on them. They can respond to
my responses. […] I’m a collaborator and opponent even when I’m not talking. […]
I put myself in the proper frame of mind. I aim properly. I want things to be
better. My mind orients itself, given this goal.[1]
Listening is not being a dead
fish. You are still two people engaging with one another, but listening is
about being invested in the well-being of the other. Assuming their words mean
something to them and are not just noise. I love how he says he is both a collaborator
and an opponent when he listens. Just imagine if we learned the skills of
active listening as part of our elementary school curriculum; if we trained people
to hear, listen, reflect, and support in such a simple but restrained manner.
Challenge for
the Week: Observe your responses to others when you are in
conversation this week. Are you trying to respond with “I” statements, aiming
to talk over what the other person has said? Try active listening, be present
for the other person; be bother a collaborator and an opponent as you listen.
Prayer for
your week: God, give us the strength to love neighbors and
our enemies. Give us the strength to love our friends and the stranger. Give us
the strength to listen, hear, and reflect with the right intentions. Amen.
Final Thought and Picture: I remember the first lesson I ever got in listening. It was Canada Day,
and I was really young, four or five. We had gone to see the fireworks display
in our neighborhood. As we waited the wind was blowing throw the trees. My
father said to me do you hear that. I said, no, I could only hear the crowd of
people who were gathering around us. My father responded and encouraged me to
listen past the echoing voices and to concentrate on the sound of the leaves
rustling in the wind. I could hear it. Then I noticed the birds, and then the footsteps
of people, then the voices, and then the traffic on the road. By focusing on
one, I could suddenly hear all the sounds a little clearer.
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