Do Not Let Your Children Do Anything That Makes You Dislike Them - Part 3

This blog is designed to give people an inner look at a devotional life. Taking time each day to spend time with the Lord. The hope is if you travel on this journey with Rev. Jacob Shaw, you may be more inclined to spend time with the Lord as well. I encourage the use of a devotional, a scripture reading and prayer, then finally some form of artistic mark to tie it all together. 

Today's devotional is taken from: Peterson, Jordan B. 12 Rules for Life: an antidote to chaos. Great Britain: Penguin Random House, 2018. Rule 5: Do Not Let Your Children Do Anything That Makes You Dislike Them, pp. 136-144

Opening Thought: For those of you who live in our neck of the woods (Ontario, Canada) hope you have a great family day long weekend. On the topic of families, this week’s post is talking about discipline, particularly about punishment. Jordan Peterson speaks about the necessity to have a strong and unified front in parenthood. Children need to understand there are consequences when they exemplify unsociable behavior (lying, cheating, violence, etc.) Peterson speaks to the variety of consequences parents may choose to utilize, from a harsh stare to spanking. (Disclaimer: Peterson does not dismiss physical punishment as an option from parents completely, this may be shocking as many today have dismissed spanking altogether. Peterson also discussed this dismissal and warns against it. Obviously, the topic of spanking is very large, and can also be affected by laws in a different location, so do not take anything from this blog about spanking as legal advice about corporal punishment options in your own households.) Peterson notes that punishments need to be enforced, and it is a parent’s duty to do so. It is going to be uncomfortable, but unsociable behavior will be pushed back against eventually, it is better for it to be pushed back by parents who care for the child, (and when the child is young enough to learn that unsociable behavior is undesirable), than when the child is an adult and solidified into their destructive tendencies. The punishment for unsociable behavior as an adult is much worse.

Peterson gave much guidance, in a few words, about how to navigate this challenging duty of instituting a punishment when needed. I won’t get into too many details, but any parent who has little ones should take the time to read this chapter. It is short but very eye-opening to the dynamics between parents and children.

On the whole, this rule is very focused on the parent and child relationship, but it speaks to the larger truth of Peterson’s book. We are programmed young, by what we encounter as children, primarily in the home and secondarily by society. The first step to a healthy individual is to have parents who take the time to guide their child to good behavior. What is good behavior? Well, things that make the child likable, to a degree. Likable does not mean agreeable. Likable might be better phrased as respectable. This would include, fair, just, kind, polite, patient, direct, confident, honest, and forgiving. The more desirable a person is to be around, the more opportunities they will have presented to them. This is the goldilocks scenario, not too hold or cold. For example, if your child is playing sports, you should help them to be the best player they can be. This would include both specific skills for the game i.e., getting goals in hockey, but all sportsmanship and care for their teammates. So even if they could get a goal 100% of the time, you should still teach them to pass to their teammates and help others progress in their game and skill. They become desirable as a skillful person and as a teammate. If parents do not instill these values of sharing when the child is young, by defending the moral ideal of sharing with discipline and punishment, then the child will not learn the values of teamwork and thus the child will be less sociable. It is very rare that people are so good at anything that their personality is not a factor, so, it become very important for parents to instill the values they respect into their children.

We discipline now to gain the reward of lessons learned.

Opening Prayer: Lord, we often speak with words of “adulthood”, however in all reality we are like children, we all are still trying to learn what you sent Christ to teach us. Let us each day come to you to learn and develop, so we can become our best selves. Amen.  

Scripture Brought to Mind: Colossians 3:25

For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Reflection:

We exist in a reality that has consequences established as a norm within the fabric of the design. Consequences are a part of existence and the human story. When we are growing up, we come to terms with this, some of us in more healthy ways than others, but to terms, nonetheless. We learn things like: throw and tantrum, we get a time out; we skip classes, we miss the pop quiz; or eat the pizza, get the reflux pain later. Many people have made fortunes off helping people alleviate themselves from the pain of consequences. You have antacids for unwise food choices, cliff notes for the reluctant student, and many parents just neglect the duty of having to parent their children. People make their future selves suffer to appease the desires or fears of their current selves. This is a recipe for misery because consequences do not care about your reasons for taking the easy way out. There is no understanding or mercy.

A good parent punishes you because, on the other hand, are merciful. They want you to learn that life can kick you in the teeth. The parent can sit and talk with you and identify with your struggle which makes them more understanding than life’s larger consequences, but if they remove the punishment, it takes away from the practice line for children to navigate the unrelenting world of consequences.

I think we often misunderstand God when we think about punishment in a biblical sense. God in some cases seems unforgiving to wrongdoers like all other consequences. And other times God is forgiving, and more like a soft parent. To understand this, we must think of God as infinite. Impossible to do but try.  God is both infinite justice (the firm line) and infinite in mercy. These infinities work together to find the ideal scenario to bring God’s creation to its fullest capacity, like a parent trying to raise their child to become a functioning adult. God must hold the lines of morality and ethics with full rigidity, while also being merciful for those who violate them. The only way, which I can see, that God can be authentic to justice and mercy is if repentance is required of the beings who violated God’s morality. This is because repentance is an event when a person acknowledges the moral standard, even if they struggle to reach it. God punishes wrongdoers because He is just, but He can forgive wrongdoers if they repent because God is also merciful.

If God got rid of punishment for the favor of mercy over justice, then God would not be raising His creation up to the highest standard, rather it would fall to chaos, as mercy needs to be in balance with justice.

 

What Rev. Jacob is Working On: I aim to look deeper into theological and psychological approaches to childcare. I found this chapter very interesting as both pastor and parent.

Prayer for your week: Lord of Heaven, Father to us All, guide us with your hands. Amen.

Artistic Close: A father doesn’t teach his son to tie a tie for just one reason. There are many reasons. The child might not know them all, and the father might not need every reason in the moment, but once that exchange has happened, they are both better for it. However, tie tying is not easy to learn right away, often young boys downright refuse to wear the tie, and will fight, tantrum, and scoff at the idea. The good father will persist because one day his son will need a tie. Whether that tie will be on him because the son is now a professional or getting married, or because the boy is on trial or lying in a coffin from devious behavior.

There are many reasons to know how to tie a tie, a father makes sure that his son will only need it for the right ones.