Do Not Let Your Children Do Anything That Makes You Dislike Them - Part 2

This blog is designed to give people an inner look at a devotional life. Taking time each day to spend time with the Lord. The hope is if you travel on this journey with Rev. Jacob Shaw, you may be more inclined to spend time with the Lord as well. I encourage the use of a devotional, a scripture reading and prayer, then finally some form of artistic mark to tie it all together. 

Today's devotional is taken from: Peterson, Jordan B. 12 Rules for Life: an antidote to chaos. Great Britain: Penguin Random House, 2018. Rule 5: Do Not Let Your Children Do Anything That Makes You Dislike Them, pp. 123-136

Opening Thought: I find this rule very fascinating, and if I have infinite time, I could likely write a book’s worth of commentary on this chapter alone. This rule is framed around children, but it really speaks about the fundamental importance of having a healthy appreciation for rules, boundaries, and patience in the formation of children, but also in our self-governance as adults. We need to instill in ourselves and any children we are responsible for the necessary tools to navigate the social complexities of the world around us. And, if we are already adults and have never been taught these lessons, it is going to take some serious work to get onto the right pathway. In a nutshell, this is discipline 101, and like I noted last week, discipline is the root word of discipleship. You cannot follow Christ if you are not willing to discipline yourself to follow God’s will. For Peterson’s work, he is trying to bring people to their fullest potentials, in the pursuit of the highest ideals. Likewise, Christ called us to do the same thing, Christ wants us to discipline ourselves in the pursuits of the Father. We had to grow up and “sin no more”.

To not sin is a challenging thing, we are fragile and broken creatures in a very challenging world. Sin is the easy road and the road often taken by the masses. However, if you want true peace, happiness, contentment, and confidence you must train yourselves and your children to be their best selves, and this takes work, dedication, and determination. Unfortunately, work, dedication, and determination seem to be in short supply for many today, as our world turns to convenience and easement as their dominant exports and commodities.  Therefore, we must become good parents, we must rise to the challenge to take on the ultimate contest of life and raise our children to a high expectation: morally, ethically, and spiritually. And, of course, we need to set the example first.

Opening Prayer: Heavenly Father, let us not be discouraged by the concept of rules and boundaries. We don’t get bogged down by the rules of sport or game, because they form for us the joys of civility, cooperation, creativity, and empowerment of skill. We pray for the wisdom to navigate our development as people, this day, and every day. In Christ’s name, Amen.

Scripture Brought to Mind: Joshua 1:8

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

Reflection: There is no simple way to produce a moral and well-functioning adult. No one grows up to be perfect, apart from 'the Christ', but as creatures made in the image of God, people harbor a want for what is best for our world, neighbors, and self. We must do our part to ensure we are ever moving toward the goal of the Christ. It begins with how we regulate ourselves and the children we are responsible for, which means we must learn to navigate the implementation of rules and boundaries.

This is harder than it may seem because often we want to do something that infringes upon a rule or boundary. This can cause us frustration and disappointment to not engage our wants and desires. When we have a sound mind, we can rationalize our way through the temptation and hopefully avoid breaking the rules. It is harder for children because they lack full appreciation for long-term consequences. A healthy person, with appropriate boundaries set in life, will learn, (through engagement with their guardians), how to be cautious of the unforeseen long-term consequences; how to avoid negative ones, and how to cope with one that surprises us.

Peterson points out that, in the modern age, many parents have lost the trajectory of raising children to be functional adults in favor of wanting their children to like them as a friend. Of course, every parent wants their child to like and love them, but the fear of losing that connection has caused a lot of parents to remove rules, boundaries, and respective consequences from their children’s lives because it protects the parent from the difficult task of maintaining a disciplined household. Since children cannot always grasp long-term issues caused by unwanted behavior; rules and consequences can seem to them as their parents attacking them rather than protecting them, so children lash out. For the parent who wants to be liked by their children more than doing their duty to raise their children, the parent will strip away consequences and over time the child will become demanding, anxious, entitled, depressed and angry. The child is punished because of their parent’s fear of the tensions required to raise their children properly. Peterson noted that children who lack boundaries often struggle with socialization as they grow. This lack so socialization agitates their already struggling disposition to understand boundaries, so, over time, the child grows into a dysfunctional adult.

I find this so interesting because it shows us that when we avoid the quest for the highest ideal, even if is because we want to avoid pain and suffering, the consequences are serious and real. Unfortunately, it is often children who will have to face lifelong scars because people neglect to do what is necessary.

As Christians, we need to do our best to live every element in the pursuit of God. God calls us to love, but love is not always pleasant. Sometimes love is removing a thorn, the process may hurt, but in time it is for the greater good. We need to have this same logic for ourselves and our children, and always strive to do what is right, good, and moral – as well as holding an expectation that others do the same.

What Rev. Jacob is Working On: As a parent to a toddler, I will be working on this every day, trying to teach my kids to follow the rules, and set a good example by following those rules too. (Continuing this one from last week)

Prayer for your week: Lord helps us dive deeper into the wisdoms You call us to learn. The wisest people learn from the wisdom of others, and the wise also turn towards the law You have placed into their hearts. May we grow to govern ourselves in a way that brings glory to You. Amen.  

Artistic Close: Peterson speaks about toddlers throwing tantrums. Parents often misunderstand this as pain and suffering and give in to their child’s demands. However, what the child is experiencing is often frustration and anger. When you give into a child’s angry demands what it teaches them is that losing their cool, being angry, and lashing out is the solution to their problems. The hope is that children will grow out of this but as someone who has worked in retail, I can tell you there are many people out there that never learned that this is not an appropriate solution to your troubles. In retail, you want the returning customers, so even if they are irate, you give into the poor behavior. As result, these people unfortunately often keep coming back. There is no joy if you end up like this, not for the angry people and not for the people that deal with them, and unlike retail workers, the rest of the world does not have to put up with it, isolation will find them one day.